Question:
I met a lovely girl on a blind date last week. We went to the art gallery and had a wonderful conversation. She has everything I am looking for. But she is not for me. There is nothing wrong with her, but I am a very good judge of character and my intuition can quickly assess people. I know when it is right and this time it just isn't. I would meet her a second time just to be polite, but wouldn't that be leading her on?
 
Answer:
There is a popular theory that we can know all we need to know about a person in the first few seconds of meeting them. It is a great theory. There is only one problem with it. It is rubbish.
 
A person is more than meets the eye. We are multi-layered. We have thoughts and feelings, memories and dreams, quirks and foibles. Everyone has a story and everyone has a soul. You can't see all this at first glance.
 
How many times have you been impressed by someone's first impression, only to be disappointed after a few conversations? And the opposite too, how many people have you met and not particularly appreciated, only to be pleasantly surprised after getting to know them better? Even looks are deceiving. A person who you find unattractive at first can grow on you as their full picture unravels.
 
I am sure you would agree that no one can know what you are all about by meeting you once. The same goes for others. Don't always trust your instincts. They can easily lead you astray.
 
Maybe I am wrong. Perhaps you do have an amazing sixth sense and can read people on the spot. But is it foolproof? What if you are right 99% of the time? What if you get it wrong only once? Imagine what you could miss out on...
 
I commend you for taking the plunge and agreeing to meet her the first time. It is not always easy to put yourself out there. But I think you should give it a second chance, and this time switch off the intuition and see what you find. You may discover that you are actually meeting her for the first time.

 

~ Rabbi Aron Moss

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