We are currently in the “three weeks” a period when we mourn the destruction of both Temples that stood some 2,000 years ago in Jerusalem. The Talmud teaches that the Temple was destroyed because of hatred and disunity. So, during these weeks it is certainly appropriate to strengthen our relationship with others and bring more love and unity.

But to build healthy relationships, we need two seemingly contradictory traits: 1. A strong sense of self – relationships are about two individuals complimenting and strengthening each other. The dilution of self compromises the relationship. 2. Negation of ego – Arrogance and egocentricity destroys healthy relationships.

Ego and obsession with self (often driven by insecurity) is the inability to make space for others.

When there is ego there cannot be:

- Respect - truly valuing the individuality of the other.

- Empathy – seeing into someone else’s emotional world.

- True Giving – because this must be centered on the other’s needs, not your own gratification.

- Real Listening

To understand this balance, we turn to a powerful formula: Jacob’s Sheep. The Torah relates that when Jacob fled to his uncle Lavan, he built his entire wealth on sheep. Sheep, in Kabbalistic and Chassidic teachings, symbolize humility, surrender, and ego-negation. Later, with those sheep, Jacob acquired oxen and donkeys which are symbols of strength and assertiveness. When Jacob prepared to face his hostile brother Esav, he didn’t highlight the sheep. He emphasized the strength. But that strength was acquired through the sheep—through humility. The lesson is clear:

In relationships, strength must be built on a foundation of humility. Assertiveness is sometimes necessary. Ambition is healthy. Leadership requires clarity and often firmness. Love requires a presence. But if not grounded in humility, these become destructive.

Humility does not mean weakness. It means acknowledging your strengths but understanding that it is all G-d given and does make you superior. It’s what allows ambition to include others rather than trample them. It’s what turns feedback and criticism into growth, not defensiveness. It allows you to have tough conversation, but with love, respect and consideration for the feelings of the other. It’s the ability to say: “I have something to offer—but let me first make space for you.”

When our foundation and default is making space and always considering others all of our relationships become stronger.

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