Question:

I guess I wasn't supposed to be a matchmaker. I set up five couples, and none of them worked out. Most of them said I wasn't even close. Yet I thought each time that they were perfect matches. I have a friend who has made seven successful matches - and she didn't really know the people that well at all. Is there a secret to matchmaking that I don't know about?

Answer:

Yes, there is a secret every good matchmaker knows. They haven't got a clue how to make matches. Because knowing two people separately has little to do with knowing how they would be together.

The human soul is like the flame of a candle. Every soul radiates a light, a presence, an aura that fills the room. Each person has a flame with a hue and colour that is uniquely yours. This is your presence, the energy you give off, the impression you make, your soul's signature, the light of your candle.

When two people come together, just as when two candles come together, the room is now filled not with two lights, but one. Their respective auras combine to create a new light that is more than just the sum of the two of them, it is a third party, a group energy. I am me, and you are you, but when we come together we create a we that is not just you plus me. Our relationship is a personality, a new being, with a light and energy of its own.

This is why it is hard to predict how two people will get on together. You may know both as individuals, but you don't know that third party, the new light that arrives when the two meet. We may think two people would be perfect for each other, yet when they are alone together the energy between them doesn't work. They may have similar candles individually, they just don't merge together well. Similarly, we often look at a happy couple and think, "I would never have put them together", yet they are obviously well suited. While their individual candles may seem different, together their flames create a harmonious light.

We can't know in advance whether there will be chemistry between two people. Just because they both like baroque music or love Indian food or have an avid interest in communist architecture does not mean they must meet. Rather, if you know two people who share the same values and beliefs, have similar visions for their future family, even if they seem such different characters, introduce them. The rest they can discover for themselves.

Every new couple is a new source of light for the world. Even if you haven't been successful until now, don't give up making matches. With G-d's help, you'll light the right flame.

 

~ Rabbi Aron Moss

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