A woman once spoke to me about her husband's temper and disrespect towards her and other family members. "I just don't understand," she complained. "He seems to be so polite to every one else. He has a reputation of being a real 'mentch'. Why can't he be the same at home?"

Unfortunately this is not a rare phenomenon. Many of us make the effort to be polite to outsiders and would never embarrass or lose our temper with other people. But somehow, with those that are closest to us we feel free to humiliate, poke fun or be condescending and rude.

One of the most important principles of the Torah is to preserve and respect the dignity of other human beings. There are even cases where Jewish law is suspended to preserve the dignity of others. Every human being is created in G-d's image and possesses a Divine imprint. Respecting others is honoring G-d.

Those that we love and are close to are no exception. On the contrary the more we love someone the greater care we should take to protect and nurture their dignity. Maimonides writes that a man should honor his wife more than himself. The first commitment that a man makes in the Ketuba is to respect, cherish and honor his spouse.

When I got married an older friend came over to me and gave me the following advice: "There is one rule that you should remember. The Torah says 'Love your neighbor as yourself'. This sentence, which is the basis of all acceptable social conduct, is considered to be one of the greatest principles of our religion. Don't forget that this applies to your wife as well," he said.

Someone who is superficially 'polite' might let his guard down amongst family. But anyone who has real respect will give it to everyone, especially to those who are closest.

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