This coming Sunday is Purim, the happiest day of the Jewish calendar. One of the Mitzvot observed on this day is Mishloach Manot - sending (or giving) a gift of two edible items to a friend. One of the reasons for this practice is to generate unity, happiness and feelings of good will.

In analyzing this Mitzvah Rabbi Aryeh Leib Gunzberg, a 17th century Talmudic commentator, submits a novel idea. He suggests that the Mitzvah lies not only in giving the food gifts but also in receiving them. The recipient of the Mishloach Manot also fulfils the mitzvah on the same level as the sender.

Relationships are the foundation of the human experience. A true relationship is when two different people with different perspectives and experiences come together by bonding, connecting and learning from each other. That connection is facilitated through the process of giving and taking. Whether in the form of gifts, compliments, ideas, guidance or any other way of exchange, sharing with each other brings us closer and makes us more connected.

But both giving and taking can be challenging. It is hard to give away something that we worked for and is a part of ourselves. But our ego and insecurities make receiving equally as challenging. We are afraid of creating an impression that we need other people and we guard our independence to an extreme refusing anything that we are given. Other times our insecurity makes us scared to be respected by others and we reject compliments or gestures of appreciation that they express to us.

But without taking there can be no giving. Just as we must learn to give we must also master the art of taking. When we learn when and how to receive we make it easier for others to give.

So if someone compliments you on a delicious meal that you prepared:
Don't say - Oh no it really wasn't my best, I was so rushed today .....
Just say - Thank you so much.

And if someone shows appreciation for something you did by giving you a gift:
Don't say - It was so unnecessary you really shouldn't have
Just say - That was really thoughtful of you, thank you.

And when you need an early ride to the airport and a good friend offers to take you
Don't say - I don't want to bother you. I will get up an hour earlier and take a bus
Just take the ride and do the same for him/her next time.

Of course our goal is to be selfless and give rather than receive. But sometimes when you take you might actually be giving the other person the biggest gift ever - the opportunity to give.

Wishing You a Good Shabbos and a Happy Purim
Rabbi Michoel Gourarie
rabbig@bina.com.au

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