Last week I was standing in a shop, waiting for my bagels, when Jenny (not her real name) approached me. She said she wanted to thank me for changing her life and told me this story.
She used to be an angry person, always feeling that others were treating her badly. Recently, she attended a JCA function. When she arrived, she discovered that there was no seat for her although she had pre-booked and paid well in advance. Her usual response would have been to make a stink. She would have accused the organisers of being disorganised or discriminatory and would have demanded her money back and left in a huff. Then she would have complained about it for weeks afterwards to whoever would listen.
This time, Jenny remembered what she had learned in my EMETT classes. She mentally went through the 4- step procedure and found a tool she could use, namely, to focus on her priority. In this case, her priority was to donate money to a worthy cause. Getting angry and leaving would not serve her priority. So she calmed down by using another tool (breathing deeply and relaxing) and then looked around until she found a seat. When the time came, she gave generously and felt really good about her behaviour. She told me that she left with enormous self respect and felt it had been a win/win outcome.
Feeling gratified, I insisted that I was merely the facilitator and it is the power of EMETT (truth) and the EMETT process that helps people change so much for the better. Jenny then asked why so few people know about EMETT and its fantastic outcomes. Taking her feedback on board, I would like to explain briefly to Bina members what EMETT is, and does.
EMETT stands for Emotional Maturity Established Through Torah. It is a simple method of learning to control behaviour and manage emotions based on the wisdom of Torah. Basically, the Torah states that there is an elevated way of behaving which is mature, rational, cultivated, controlled, selfless, responsible and emulates Godly behaviour. We spend out whole lives aspiring to this and when we achieve it we feel really good. EMETT teaches one how to think right in today's day and age is very practical. In fact the shiur ends with practical examples being given by volunteers so that strategies are actually implemented. Listening to others is very motivating and beneficial and examples are based on the trivia that occur daily but which annoy us intensely. EMETT is not a deep psychological group and is open, but confidentiality is respected.
I encourage anybody who wants to be calmer and happier to come to at least two groups to get a feel of how it works. There is no quick fix, however, and people who come regularly get the most benefit.
Let me end with a quote from Sharon, another group member: "Before I learned the EMETT tools, everything was a drama. Now I know the difference between life threatening issues and trivialities and do not expend energy on the latter. Life's problems are to be solved not dramatised and sometimes I just have to trust that Hashem has a plan that works."

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