All of us deal with stressful situations at some time or another. The small daily stresses can be the most challenging. Plans fall through, objects break or someone says the wrong thing. What is the best strategy for managing stressful experiences?

Coping with daily stress can be very challenging. Learning to be positive and relaxed is a process that may require a range of different strategies. Sometimes, however, a simple shift in attitude can turn stress into an opportunity.

Stress is often a result of an expectation that has not been met. We plan our daily appointments, we expect people to behave in a certain way and we believe our actions will result in specific outcomes. When the unexpected happens and the plan is derailed, we become tense and upset.

The certainty that our expectations will be met comes from a false sense of control. People want to, and believe they can, control their lives and their environment. The advance of technology may have contributed to this false perception of control. With a click of one button we can communicate with thousands of people or activate complex machinery. With little effort we can travel great distances or perform major surgery.

But it is a foundation of Jewish belief that we are not in control of anything. While we should and do plan responsibly, G-d might have a very different outcome in mind. We are taught that every detail of the universe and its development is Divinely designed.

The one part of the universe that G-d handed over to the human being to fully control is ourselves. We cannot change a Divinely planned experience, but we can control our response to that situation. We cannot predict what people will say or do to us, but we can control our feelings toward them. We can choose to become angry or stay calm. We can choose to become aggressive or to respond with respect. We can choose to become upset or to remain upbeat. Internal control is the expression of the very essence of the human being.

So next time someone makes us late, we get stuck in a traffic jam, or we spill the coffee all over the desk, we can do one of two things. We can stress out and become frustrated with ourselves for being clumsy or with others for interfering with our plans; or we can see this as an opportunity to exercise our true strength and ability to control our feelings and responses. Let us use stressful experiences as an opportunity for positive growth.

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