A look at the meaning of success.

One of the most significant sources of stress is ‘approval seeking behaviour'. Some of us invest an amazing amount of time and effort impressing others, gaining their approval and avoiding their criticism. How many times a day do we think about what others will think or say about us? The result of this type of behaviour is a life of pressure, where instead of doing good for its own sake, we strive to impress, compete and outdo others building a reputation as good, effective and successful human beings.

It is natural to want to be complimented and to dislike criticism. Ambition, stemming from a healthy level of competition can also be constructive and beneficial. However, when people become dependant on - and almost addicted to - the approval of others, then it is unhealthy and destructive.

Perhaps the source of this unhealthy dependency is the definition of success in our modern society. In today's world, success is defined by two very external factors. The first is outcome as opposed to effort. If you have invested tremendous effort but not achieved a visible, measurable dramatic outcome you are deemed a failure not a success. The second is progress relative to others. Sadly, achievement is only properly recognised when it is better than someone else's.

In the last two weeks students around Australia concluded their school year. This week the results for the HSC (High School Certificate) were released. At various prize giving functions, students were awarded for coming top in their subject. At Parliament house students who topped the state in various subjects were honoured in a grand ceremony.

The achievement of these students is certainly amazing and deserving of recognition. But I am always bothered by the absurdity of this system. We send our youth a message that their success is defined by the achievement of others, and not by their intrinsic effort and commitment. In one year of High School the student who scores 93% is awarded for coming top. But in the next year the student who scored 95% is not recognised because someone else scored 97%. Some schools have introduced awards for the "most improved". But again the message is a distorted one - you cannot be acknowledged for improving unless you improved more than others.

The Jewish definition of success is very different. Firstly, it is not defined by any outcome but rather by effort, hard work and internal improvement and progress. Our tradition states clearly that reward for Torah study is not for those who cover the most material, but rather for those who apply themselves with sweat and toil. Secondly, it is not measured or defined in relation to the success of others. Success is not a competition with others but with oneself. In the Torah context true success is to beat your comfort level - to do a little more than you are used to. True success is about growth relative to yourself- to do better today than yesterday and to improve next week more than this week.

It is possible that the student who scored 85% did so with great effort and hard work. This student might be far more successful than the student who scored 97% primarily because of a G-d given talent. I am not suggesting that we should not strive for excellence and that great results should not be recognized. I am suggesting, however, that we create a culture where people learn to compete with themselves rather than with everyone else, and we find a way of recognizing the true achievers.

So to all those students who worked really hard this year, extending yourself and doing even a littler better than last year: Even though you might not have made it to the top and weren't called to the stage at prize giving, you are the real heroes of success. Keep it up and Mazel Tov!

Back Back