Why Can't I Get Married? ­ Article ­ BINA

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Why Can't I Get Married?

by Rabbi Aron Moss

Question:
 
I know I will get married one day. I just wonder why it is taking so long. I have friends who got engaged to the first person they ever dated, and are now married with kids. Yet here I am, many years and many many dates later, and I still haven't met the right person. Have I done something wrong, maybe in a past life, to deserve this as punishment?
 
Answer:
There are many possible reasons why you haven't found the right one yet. But the mere fact that you are still waiting doesn't necessarily mean there is something wrong with you.
 
The Talmud compares the miracle of finding a soulmate to the miracle of G-d splitting the Red Sea. When the Israelites left Egypt, on their journey to the Promised Land, a vast sea stood in front of them. The most unexpected miracle happened when a path opened up in the sea and they were able to cross it on dry land.
 
The truth is, the Red Sea is not along the direct route from Egypt to Israel. G-d led them on a detour, just so they could experience the miracle of the splitting of the sea. Walking on the dry seabed, with the waters standing as walls to each side, was a direct experience of the hand of G-d. Once it was done they could leave and continue on their journey, forever changed by the supernatural occurrence they witnessed.
 
A little known fact about this wondrous sea crossing is that the Israelites didn't cross the sea from one side to another, but they actually came out on the same side of the sea as they entered in. The path was a big U-shape, beginning and ending on the very same bank of the sea.
 
This means that not everyone spent the same amount of time traversing the sea. Those Israelites who were on the inside lane had a short sojourn in the dried-up sea, while those on the outside lane would have trekked a long way in and then a long way out to get back to the seashore.
 
Why did some have to be in the sea for longer than others? Perhaps some people needed to bask in G-d's miracle for longer to truly absorb it. Or perhaps some could handle more divine revelation than others. The longer they spent in the sea, the deeper the experience of the divine wonder. Either way, each person spent the exact amount of time in the sea that they needed.
 
So too with the search for love. Some have a quick path to finding their soulmate. Others take longer. Is that a punishment? Not necessarily. Some souls need more work to get to their Promised Land, because they have the depth of character to handle it. Other souls have a smoother path because they wouldn't be able to handle any more. But each soul goes on the path that is right for them.
 
So maybe you're on the outside lane, so the trip is taking a little longer. Hold on tight, you too will get through the sea. Even if you there's no end in sight, keep the faith, it may be just around the next bend.

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